The Earnesto Family is sitting in church. Anyone can see that all of them are totally high.
PRIEST:
Religion is the best because--
GOD: (Booming interrupting voice coming from the sky)
PEOPLE OF EARTH, IT'S ME GOD. AND I WANT TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT I LOVE THEM, AND SO I'M GRANTING EVERYONE MAGIC POWERS EVERY SUNDAY FROM NOW ON. BUT SOME PEOPLE WON'T GET THE POWERS, AND THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO USE ILLEGAL DRUGS.
Everyone in the church is visibly excited that they will be getting magic powers except the five members of the Earnesto Family, who for the purposes of casting are pretty much the exact same as the Home Improvement Family.
TIM TAYLOR:
Fuck, I'm high as a damn kite right now.
JILL TAYLOR:
Honey, we all are! We don't get any Magic Powers.
JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS TAYLOR:
Why did I sniff an entire thing of glue and then smoke dope!
BRAD TAYLOR:
This is all your fault, mom and dad! I'm high on drugs.
The old man sitting next to them squints and makes a pet dragon that breathes cotton candy appear out of thin air. It flies around the room, breathing cotton candy and delighting everyone.
MARK TAYLOR
Yum, Cotton Candy! I have munchies from pot!
Mark tries to grab some of the cotton candy, but it disappears as soon as his little hands touch it.
VOICE OF GOD: NO COTTON CANDY FOR YOU, DRUG USER!
Mark begins to cry.
TIM TAYLOR
This is some bullshit. Let's get out of here.
JILL TAYLOR:
Good idea.
The Taylor-Earnesto family gather up their belongings and stumble out the door of the church. Outside, all the non-drug-using people in the town are flying around on magic carpets and making awesome magical fireworks appear in the sky and being friends with unicorns.
TIM TAYLOR: Damn it!
JILL TAYLOR: Isn't there something we can do?
TIM TAYLOR: No.
3 comments:
I have listed the reasons why this is an excellent screenplay on my web log (blog). Here they are here.
1: Many of the people who want to have magic powers are drug users. It's just a fact. This screenplay provides them an incentive to STOP doing drugs.
2: God speaks to people. And while this alone would not verify his existence (for example: A Star Trek Movie), his existence is verified by the fact that he delivers on his promises. Those who don't use drugs actually DO get magical powers. God has made a promise (rainbow), and he has kept it.
3: I have always found Jill Taylor attractive, and even though in your screenplay she is a drug user, my attraction is such that while watching your movie I feel that a part of me would hope I could show her that it is her husband that is making her do drugs and that it is time for her to look for love elsewhere in a sober way.
4: It makes me think about redemption, and that maybe (I haven't read the end of your screenplay, but I'm assuming) maybe if the Taylor's can stop using drugs, maybe I can too.
5: I like your metaphor about where when you have the dragon that breathes the cotton candy and whatnot, Mark Taylor tries to grab the cotton candy from the dragon but he can't get the cotton candy. As I know was intentional by Stephen (the screenplay's author), it is like Mark Taylor is trying to chase the dragon, a term used when trying to capture the same high that you initially feel when I first tried heroin. It's something that people chase but never really capture, that that is the rub.
Dear Jeremy,
My screenplay is way better than just 5 reasons. And all of your 5 reasons are reasons that just relate to your own likes and dislikes and I don't even know you.
However, in regards to the comment about chasing the dragon: Yes, that is exactly what I was referring to and based on the stupidity of your other comments, I found this comment surprisingly insightful. I am an artist. Also, what you could not have know because I didn't publish it here, is that the cotton candy breathing dragon, seen only in passing here, becomes a VERY central part of the film later. Without going into specifics, let me ask you this: How do you think God would react if the people he gave magical powers to suddenly started using drugs too? Do you think that the magical things the new drug-addicts had previously created would grow evil and become terrorizers of the above-world? SPOILER ALERT: You bet your ass. It doesn't take much more than a pack of razor blades to make the dragon's enticing cotton candy dangerous to kids AND adults. Think about it.
I don't remember writing the above comment, but it's one of the most true things I have ever written. What I can't figure out, though, is why I thought the Cotton Candy Dragon was going to become a central part of the screenplay. The whole reason I wrote this screenplay- (it's now complete and on it's way to Paramount Studios) was because I had an idea while taking my driver's test about a Cotton Candy Breathing Dragon being killed with a thrown, turned on lawn-mower. The result is like fireworks of blood and multicolored candy, but I've always known it would happen in the second scene. Anyway, I'm sorry for any confusion that resulted from the comment. When you see the movie, don't be surprised.
Post a Comment