ADVENTURE CRAZY: X 2THA X

Superfamous Rockstar snowboarder and government agent Zak X. Flavordrome was just having one more day in his awesome life-- snowboarding down Mount Danger with his very hot girlfriend, Tamara, while listening to music trax on his ipod sunglasses. It was a great day, and he even did a 1080 off a jump that was hundreds of feet tall.
But little did he know! Just as he lands from the jump 600 helicopters rise above the mountain horizon and blast 2000 high explosive missle rockets at him. They explode all around him but he dodges, but there's an avalanche, so he has to ride the avalanche all the way to the bottom of the mountain as the helicopters chase him shooting machine guns and more missiles. And thirty of them have napalm, which he has to jump over on his board. But waiting for him at the bottom of the mountain are 5000 tanks and a whole brigade of infantry men! As Zak skyhops over them on his board and lands in his 6 wheeled ultra porche, he gets a text message from his scientist friend-- "General Smashmouth is staging a military Coup to destroy the government and YOU are his first target!" Zak shouts "Shit!" just as the phone is blasted out of his hand by an exploding arrow.
Squeelling around the foothills of Mount Danger in what is clearly the most expensive car ever made at a pace that makes his face distort to the max, Zak dodges a fleet of kamikaze death jet pilots that smash into the road all around him! He's forced to make a jump! Into the canyon he goes, then jumps out of the car as it falls and uses his free-fall parachute to fly into one of General Smashmouth's super attack helicopters. In four punches all eight of the helicopters crew members are falling to their deaths, and nine seconds later Zak crashes the bullet ridden chopper into the conning tower of General Smashmouths main stolen aircraft carrier, which explodes the fuck up to the sky. But at the last second Zak jumps out and lands in a submarine, which he immediately pours rocket fuel all over and sets on fire, escaping in an experimental Jetski that can go 4 times the speed of sound.

Zak wastes no times goofing off and sinks the 25 battleships that are guarding Miami harbor-- tricking them all into firing at one another. But Zak doesn't have time to count up all the bodies of the people he just killed-- he has to save Tamara, and he does it by pulling the ejector seat on the jetski and flying up into the sky as the jetski crashes into a huge plastic explosive bomb General Smashmouth set up to destroy Fort Knox! Entering yet another one of the attack helicopters that have been firing at him NON-STOP for the two minutes of this movie since the helicopters first showed up, Zak only needs three punches to disable all ten of the helicopters crew. As Zak pilots the helicopter around the other helicopters and destroys the 2 mile long secret weapon star wars attack blimp, he makes a radio call into Smashmouth after taking out his sunglasses earphones.

"Smashmouth!" he shouts over the hail of huge bullets pouring into the helicopter from all the other helicopters.

"Yes, this is General Smashmouth" he hears.

"You're fucking dead!" He shouts back, as he blows up 200 helicopters with his helicopter's gatling gun and makes other helicopters crash into each other, then jumps the fuck out of the helicopter and lands in General Smashmouths Prisoner Interogation Camp Alpha, where guards with Lazers make their prisoner slaves teach giant robots how to enslave prisoners. Jack kicks the brain out the skull of the warden as he lands, shoots 25 other guards with a lazer pistol in 3 seconds and the shouts "Prisoners unite! We don't have to take it!" and all the prisoners rise up and kill the robots, except for the one Zak rides out of the camp on at 300 miles an hour shooting down helicopters with a lazer from.

Just then Zak spots a tag on the robot-- "Made in Outer Space." Zak's says "Like Oh Fuck" and he's right because General Smashmouth's legions have takes over Nasa, which the audience figures out immediately as Zach smashes through the gates at Cape Caneveral tossing teargas grenades, smoke grenades, and real grenades at the asscockloads of Smashmouth soldiers that are guarding the space shuttle which is right then counting down to launch. Zak heads rights for it but he can see it's locked so he he shoots a door sized square in it and jumps in with the robot. And the robot plugs the hole just as the shuttle blasts off, and Zak does a monkey roll and comes up socking Space Admiral Gigantenstein, the gnarly evil shuttle pilot Smashmouth got from the circus (info from DVD commentary only) right in the nose just as they are both slammed to the floor by terrific g- forces. Then even though there's g-forces Zak stands up and kicks Gigantenstein in the dick and balls and is like "Where THE FUCK is General Smashmouth's fucking base?" And Gigantenstein knows he's gonna die and says " Ha Ha! You fool! It's INSIDE Mount Danger and has been this entire time!

"Oh shit." Thinks Zak. "I've been such a fool. And now there's only one thing to do!" Zak grabs the overdrive handle on the space shuttle and slams it up to maximum. And Gigantenstein is like "No don't!" but it's too late. In half a millisecond the space shuttle is about to crash into mount Danger and Zak is leaning out the window shooting helicopters down with his lazer and laughing, and then he dodges behind a chair as the space shuttle crashes into the mountain at 6000 mph. Zak kicks the door open and there's general Smashmouth in a cave holding huge guns and wearing clothes made out of grenades and with a remote control detonater. And hung up in the corner is Tamara, covered in remote control dynamite and looking real sexy and then also the scientist friend who texted Zak earlier. He's got bomb made of plastic explosives wrapped around his whole face.

Zak is like "Tamara!" and then "Darren--my scientist buddy!"

And General Smashmouth says "Don't you move, Flavordrome. One more step and I release this trigger, which will blow your girlfriend sky high and your scientist friend, also. And if you try and shoot me the grenades I'm wearing will go off, which will mean certain doom for all of us, and then also that will make me release this trigger, which will set off the explosives! And I'm also the only person on earth who knows the code that will disarm the bombs on them and that also will stop my missiles from launching the superbubonic flu germs that they contain into every major city in America!"

But right as he's finishing saying that Zak rips the shotgun arm off the robot that was plugging the hole in the space ship and shoots General Smashmouth in the fucking face with a shitload of shotgun bullets. Then he grabs the remote control just as Smashmouth is about to let it go and then pulls the lever that lowers Darren and Tamara to earth level. In two seconds he pulls off the bombs on them just as ten thousand infantry people burst in through the blast doors with machine guns and Zach throws the dynamite and the other one at them and releases the trigger and they blow the fuck up. BOOM.

Then Zak looks down at the general Smashmouth and is like-- If you're gonna wear grenades---you better wear them on your face. YOU FUCK.

Then he kicks the Generals body down the missile shaft just as the disease missiles are launching, and they explode and cause a cave in.

And Zak looks over at Darren and Tamara and says "Whoa dudes-- that was some adventure. Who wants to go and hunt lions?" And Darren and Tamara just laugh.

END OF MOVIE