THE UNLUCKY SKULL ADVENTURE
A farm. ANDRE scatters some seeds. His younger brother TOM approaches.
TOM: Hey Andre! I just found a huge pile of human skulls in the barn!
ANDRE: Human skulls! But I've never seen any human skulls in the barn, and I've been milking cows there since I turned 9 three years ago!
TOM: But you always milk the cows at the front of the barn. I found the huge pile of skulls at the back!
ANDRE: What were you doing in the back of the barn?
TOM: A chicken got loose and I went back there to look for it.
ANDRE: Did you find it?
TOM: No-- but I did find a seven foot pile of human skulls!
ANDRE: Dad's going to tan our hides if he finds out we lost a chicken!
TOM: Don't you worry about Dad, Andre--- the pile of skulls talked into my brain and taught me special things. If Dad gets mad at us all I have to do is whisper a few strange words and he'll be paralyzed with visions that contain real horrible sights, and then his brain will gush out through his nose like water from the crick and he'll be gone forever.
ANDRE: You can't kill dad!
TOM: We don't need a dad anymore. The pile of skulls will protect us. All we have to do is add Dad's bloody skull to the pile.
ANDRE: Please don't kill our Dad.
TOM: Well here comes the wagon. I guess it's time.
ANDRE: Please just wait. Tell him about the chicken later.
TOM: Fine. But we have to give a human skull to the pile and if we can't have Dad's we're going to have to kill someone else.
ANDRE: No!
DAD arrives.
DAD: Hey boys! You been good while I was away?
ANDRE: We've been good.
TOM (whispering): Grash ni liatum Grivnoch Grash ni liatum Grivnoch Grivnoch...
Tom's eyes are filled with blood and his lips have turned black. Sweat drips from his forehead. His hands tremble.
ANDRE: No!
DAD: WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME! AAAAAAAAGHGAHHH
Their Dad tears his eyes out while screaming and screaming.
DAD: Noooo!!!!!! Please no!!!!
ANDRE: Dad I love you!
Suddenly Dad falls silent. Seconds later, his brain gushes out of his nose like water from a firehose, drenching the two boys. TOM exults.
TOM: It worked! It worked! Thank you giant pile of human skulls!
ANDRE Crying and afraid: Why did you do that? You said you wouldn't!
TOM: Well I didn't want to, but the giant pile of human skulls needs more skulls! You have to understand that, Andre. And you have to help me get Dad's skull and give it to the pile.
ANDRE: I won't! Tom, how could you?
TOM: I HAD TO. The pile of skulls wants more skulls! Maybe I should give it yours!
ANDRE: Tom... Tom...
TOM: Go get me a knife!
ANDRE: I don't want to....
TOM: Grash ni.... Don't make me do this, Andre.
ANDRE: I'll do it! I'll get a knife.
TOM: Good. Good boy.
Andre leaves. Tom laughs and looks around.
CUT TO:
Andre enters the rustic prairie kitchen and pulls a sharp knife out of a drawer. He tries to kill himself with it by slitting his own throat but he is too much of a coward and can't do it. He cries and cries. Then he opens the screen door and steps out.
TOM: You get that knife?
ANDRE: It's here.
TOM: Good. Now do it.
He motions to the body.
ANDRE: I don't want to.
TOM: You do it now.
Andre bends over his dead father with the knife. He's about to start cutting, when suddenly his DAD's eyes spring wide open.
DAD: Boo!
ANDRE: AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
TOM: PRANKED!
DAD: PRANKED!
TOM: You bought it! We totally pranked you!
DAD: HAHAHAHAH!!
The are both falling over themselves laughing. Andre huddles on the ground with the knife.
DAD: Don't you get it, son? It was all a trick! I never died!
TOM: There's no giant pile of skulls in the barn! It was all a prank!
DAD: You FOOL.
TOM: What a dummy! Hey Andre, you want to buy the Brooklyn bridge? Ha!
TOM and DAD look at each other and laugh some more. Then they turn to Andre.
ANDRE: So... you didn't lose a chicken?
He smiles weakly. Roll Credits
4 comments:
My reaction in order:
First: Mysterious :|
Second: Scary :-o
Third: FUNNNNNNYYYYYY! :)
Fourth: Questions??
Yes. Questions. Do you have any questions for me, the audience?
yes I do have questions!
First: how scared where you when that terrifying brain sneeze happened? Scale of one to a thousand, please-- I find lesser scales irritatingly imprecise.
Second: What about how the skull pile?
Third: Do you ever wish that you had magic powers? And if you have, did this story's hilarious prank make you think twice about that?
Please answer at length.
Me: Thank you for your questions!
1: On a scale of 1-1000 of frightened, I would confidently say I was around a 300. This being said, I would guess that the average viewer would be more around the 850 mark. I recognize the terror, and my number is low solely due to my extreme comfort with blood and my lack of imagination. Thanks for your question.
2. The skull pile. Wow. Skulls I find very very creepiflying. So when you make a huge pile of them, implying that somebody chopped off people's heads and ate the skin, chewing and chewing on nose cartilage after nose cartilage until their jaws started aching, is really something that is scaaaa-rryyyyyy!!!! I'll put this one firmly at 940 on the frightening factor. Thanks for your question.
3. I do wish I had magic powers. I wish that a lot. I am an avid watcher of Heroes, and I am always thinking "When is it my chance? When do I get to do those things?" And the answer that comes to me is always, "Not yet. Be patient." And I know that's odd, and I know that everybody knows magic isn't real. But I also know that the first bit of magic will be for magic to start existing at all. And, Realistically, when this happens, there will be a lot of people fighting for it. EVERYONE will want the magic. So even then I might not get it right away. Because, who knows how much there will be. It could be we're flooded with magic, but it could also be that it becomes the most precious thing on Earth. And can magic make more magic? We won't really know until we're able to take it and study it. Which, of course, we can't do until it starts existing. Ugh! But your screenplay raises an interesting point. Once it starts existing, how do we deal with the evil magic? Would we still want magic powers if the powers control us rather than we control them? I don't know. I don't. Not yet. It's something that I need to seriously think about by myself. So yes, Stephen, your screenplay did make me think twice about wishing for magic powers. Would they make me a God among men like the Green Lantern? Or would they twist me and corrupt me like the sword in Soul Caliber 4? And what does it say about me, as a person waiting for magic to get here, if I need these powers so desperately that I'd change who I am to get them? Also, I think in Heroes, the worst power they've got so far was the dream traveler. I would still want that power, if that was the only magic I could find, but otherwise I'd probably pick something else. Sylar and Peter can have as many powers as they want.
Hey Stephen -
What is funny is that I had a dream that was kind of like this. There weren't skulls, but God spoke to my dad through a bowling trophy and told him that me, my brother, and him needed to kill certain people because they were demons. It was so spooky! I didn't want to, but my brother and dad kept insisting. I was like You guys are crazy - There aren't any demons! You know why I couldn't see demons? This is the cool part. It was because I was a demon! Later Mathew McConaughey had to kill me, and then he went to a police detective and told the story. But the second twist was that the detective had killed his own mom and was also a demon! I guess it was funnier in the dream, but I woke up laughing, and later drew a dragon that had a person tattoo.
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