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The armored truck hits an even bigger bump. Lassy and Gulp throw sassy looks at each other.
GULP: Let me see that photo of floralus peligro again. For some reason I can't shake the feeling that I've seen that plant before....
LASSY: Here you go.
She shows him a photo of some plant.
GULP: It looks so normal.
LASSY: It's anything but. One drop of the nectar of this plant could poison New York City and every soldier that died during the civil war, combined. Plus another 20 guys.
GULP: Jesus. We need to get our hands on it before someone else does.
LASSY: We're here.
The truck comes to a screeching halt outside of a dark jungle trail. Lassy and Gulp unload their gear from the back of the truck-- backpacks and specimen boxes.
GULP: Before we do this there's something I need to say.
LASSY: Save it, Professor Storkjam.
GULP: No. Lassy, we're about to head into the jungle. And in the jungle, anything can happen.
LASSY: I can take care of myself.
GULP: I don't mean predator monkeys and jaguars, Lassy. I mean-- emotionally.
LASSY: I knew what you meant. I'm NOT falling for you again, Professor.
GULP: Good.
They hit the trail. Sweat pours down their bodies. Monkeys watch them from shaded branches. They hike up, and up, and up.
LASSY: There's something I have to say.
GULP: Here it comes. You're in love with me.
LASSY: Gulp, I'm over you. What I have to say is about his deer corpse.
The camera reveals a dead deer that has clearly been very poisoned.
GULP: Floralus peligro!
We see a plant with a deer bite taken out of it.
LASSY: Without a doubt.
GULP: It looks normal...
LASSY: Let's harvest it. But be careful. A single touch and we're both dead.
Gulp grabs a specimen box and some plant handlers and oh so carefully begins to dig up the deadly plant. Sweat pours down his forehead.
.
Here's a new one I came up with while rolling down a hill therapeutically.
DANGER CLAWS: FACE THE REALNESS
Fade in: Wide shot: high in the Himalmayan mountains of Mexico. The camera zooms until it's following an armored truck as it rumbles up a jungly dirt road. There is just enough time to read the words "TERHOR PHARMACEUTICALS: Advanced Jungle Research Division: Military Drug Weaponization Unit: Professor Gulp Storkjam" before the camera swoops up and over the truck, then spins arounds, showing us the two riders in the truck through the mud-speckled glass.
The driver of the big truck is PROFESSOR GULP STORKJAM.
Gulp Storkjam--early 20's, athletic, grizzled beard, great smile, piercing yellow eyes, and a heart of gold.
The woman next to him, arms crossed, the eyes of her face staring out the window, is DR. LASSY HURROCAINE.
Lassy Hurrocaine- late teens or very early 20's. She's got a fiery spirit, a great smile, a furrowed brow, and missing thumbs. She's like an 8? You don't want her to be a 9 or a 10 because later when Gulp meets Aruba Sensation (who will be a strong 10) you don't want the audience to be fighting in their head about which one Gulp should want to get with more, especially since Aruba is also missing her thumbs.
The armored truck hits a particularly strong bump, inspiring snappy dialogue.
GULP: Good Morning Judy!
LASSY: Watch the road, Gulp. I didn't agree to spend six weeks in Mexico looking for poison plants so I could be roadkill on some godforsaken monkey track in the middle of nowhere.
The armored truck hits an even bigger bump. Lassy and Gulp throw sassy looks at each other.
GULP: Let me see that photo of floralus peligro again. For some reason I can't shake the feeling that I've seen that plant before....
LASSY: Here you go.
She shows him a photo of some plant.
GULP: It looks so normal.
LASSY: It's anything but. One drop of the nectar of this plant could poison New York City and every soldier that died during the civil war, combined. Plus another 20 guys.
GULP: Jesus. We need to get our hands on it before someone else does.
LASSY: We're here.
The truck comes to a screeching halt outside of a dark jungle trail. Lassy and Gulp unload their gear from the back of the truck-- backpacks and specimen boxes.
GULP: Before we do this there's something I need to say.
LASSY: Save it, Professor Storkjam.
GULP: No. Lassy, we're about to head into the jungle. And in the jungle, anything can happen.
LASSY: I can take care of myself.
GULP: I don't mean predator monkeys and jaguars, Lassy. I mean-- emotionally.
LASSY: I knew what you meant. I'm NOT falling for you again, Professor.
GULP: Good.
They hit the trail. Sweat pours down their bodies. Monkeys watch them from shaded branches. They hike up, and up, and up.
LASSY: There's something I have to say.
GULP: Here it comes. You're in love with me.
LASSY: Gulp, I'm over you. What I have to say is about his deer corpse.
The camera reveals a dead deer that has clearly been very poisoned.
GULP: Floralus peligro!
We see a plant with a deer bite taken out of it.
LASSY: Without a doubt.
GULP: It looks normal...
LASSY: Let's harvest it. But be careful. A single touch and we're both dead.
Gulp grabs a specimen box and some plant handlers and oh so carefully begins to dig up the deadly plant. Sweat pours down his forehead.
LASSY: I wish I could help you.
GULP: Well you can't!
LASSY: I'm sorry!
Gulp slowly eases the plant into a specimen box. Were there a countdown timer to the plant "bomb" he is plant "defusing" in this scene, it would read twenty seconds.
LASSY: One false move....
GULP: Hush, now...
For a moment it looks as though the plant is safe within the hi-tech plexiglass specimen case. But then! The camera zooms in on a single tendril that is STICKING OUT OF IT A LITTLE! The plantbomb countdown timer would if it were part of this movie read five seconds!
LASSY: Gulp, look out!
GULP: If that tendril winds up in either of our mouths....
LASSY: We can't take that chance.
Lassy draws her .45 and and aims it at the tendril.
GULP: No! It's too risky!
Countdown is one second!
GULP: Here goes nothing...
Gulp pushes the tendril inside the box with a piece of stick.
LASSY: You did it!
GULP: Correction. WE did it.
They kiss on the lips!
CUT TO:
New York City. The "Great White Way."
A yellow cab pulls to a stop in front of the Maginot Theatre, Broadway's biggest and newest theatre and the first American theatre to offer its patrons seatback TVs.
From the cab steps a hulking mess of an old man-- it's GENERAL OXBROAD THUMP.
General Oxbroad Thump: a seventh-generation US four-star general. In full dress uniform, he's got dozens of medals all over his chest and an additional briefcase full of purple hearts. He's 6'11" and his steely gaze would frighten even Tolkien's "Balrog" monster.
But all is not well with the general-- his hair looks like it just lost a fight with hurricane-force winds and diarrhea, and his handsome-yet-80 face is covered geisha-like in a thick layer of white paint.
He turns to the taxi driver.
DRIVER: 26 bucks.
THUMP: Keep the change.
The driver speeds off and Thump heads up the steps of the theater as a crowd pours out of it.
CUT TO:
Inside the theatre. General Thumps knocks on a dressing room door.
THUMP: (shouting) Aruba! Aruba!
We hear an awkward fumbling with a doorknob, and the door opens. We glimpse for a moment the most beautiful face we have ever seen-- the lovely ARUBA SENSATION. The door slams shut.
ARUBA: How did you find me, General Thump?
THUMP: It wasn't easy. The US government needs your help, Aruba.
ARUBA: I'm a broadway actress now, and I'm done helping the US government. They destroyed my ability to love.
THUMP: Those experiments were a mistake, Aruba.
ARUBA: A mistake I have to live with for the rest of my life!
Thump begins to sob.
THUMP: I'm sorry.
She opens the door and looks Thump over, noticing his crazy hair and shaking hands.
ARUBA: What happened to you, Thump? What happened?
THUMP: Floralus peligro-- the most dangerous plant on earth-- has been weaponized. I've been trying to get it back on the reservation, but nothing is working. We need a sexy botanist.
ARUBA: Floralus is in the wild? Good god. A single plant contains enough poison to blow up half a whole city, if you were to equate the amount of poison to explosive power.
THUMP: So you'll help?
ARUBA: You know I swore never to botanize again.
THUMP: Please.
Hold on Aruba's face-- what will she do?
CUT TO:
Two beautiful hot ladies with names talk to each other for two minutes about something other than a man. Let's say they talk about science. But they're in bikinis or smoking hot one-pieces in a jacuzzi filled with champagne.
CUT TO:
New York City. The "Great White Way."
A yellow cab pulls to a stop in front of the Maginot Theatre, Broadway's biggest and newest theatre and the first American theatre to offer its patrons seatback TVs.
From the cab steps a hulking mess of an old man-- it's GENERAL OXBROAD THUMP.
General Oxbroad Thump: a seventh-generation US four-star general. In full dress uniform, he's got dozens of medals all over his chest and an additional briefcase full of purple hearts. He's 6'11" and his steely gaze would frighten even Tolkien's "Balrog" monster.
But all is not well with the general-- his hair looks like it just lost a fight with hurricane-force winds and diarrhea, and his handsome-yet-80 face is covered geisha-like in a thick layer of white paint.
He turns to the taxi driver.
DRIVER: 26 bucks.
THUMP: Keep the change.
The driver speeds off and Thump heads up the steps of the theater as a crowd pours out of it.
CUT TO:
Inside the theatre. General Thumps knocks on a dressing room door.
THUMP: (shouting) Aruba! Aruba!
We hear an awkward fumbling with a doorknob, and the door opens. We glimpse for a moment the most beautiful face we have ever seen-- the lovely ARUBA SENSATION. The door slams shut.
ARUBA: How did you find me, General Thump?
THUMP: It wasn't easy. The US government needs your help, Aruba.
ARUBA: I'm a broadway actress now, and I'm done helping the US government. They destroyed my ability to love.
THUMP: Those experiments were a mistake, Aruba.
ARUBA: A mistake I have to live with for the rest of my life!
Thump begins to sob.
THUMP: I'm sorry.
She opens the door and looks Thump over, noticing his crazy hair and shaking hands.
ARUBA: What happened to you, Thump? What happened?
THUMP: Floralus peligro-- the most dangerous plant on earth-- has been weaponized. I've been trying to get it back on the reservation, but nothing is working. We need a sexy botanist.
ARUBA: Floralus is in the wild? Good god. A single plant contains enough poison to blow up half a whole city, if you were to equate the amount of poison to explosive power.
THUMP: So you'll help?
ARUBA: You know I swore never to botanize again.
THUMP: Please.
Hold on Aruba's face-- what will she do?
CUT TO:
Two beautiful hot ladies with names talk to each other for two minutes about something other than a man. Let's say they talk about science. But they're in bikinis or smoking hot one-pieces in a jacuzzi filled with champagne.
.
2 comments:
This might be your best work yet, Steven.
I loved the way the characters were developed and how you had questions about them that werent answered, and here it comes, BUT you could still think of your own reasons for why the characters were the way they were and how they were going to be in the future even without it being totally explained in the screenplay. Your audience really appreciates you not pandering or spoonfeeding your messages to us. THANK YOU.
My favorite part was where the camera zooms into the grammaphone. All i could think about all day was where the screenplay was going to go to next. What is inside the grammaphone? Who is inside the grammaphone? Where does it lead? Plus it was a great idea to set this screenplay in a regular everyday location as you did with the doughnut shop.
That was really great.
If you get a chance please check out my screenplay website. I would love to hear your feedback on it. http://newgoonies.blogspot.com/
WHAT THE HELL
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