Additional scene from movie DEATH HAT

TAU KAPPA EPSILON FRATERNITY-- EXT. NIGHT

A bunch of cops are standing around the scene of a GRIZZLY OCTUPLE MURDER.

OFFICER 1: Wow-- how are we going to catch eight murderers?

PROFESSOR DENMORE CAVENDISH, a young professor of scientist from the college, pulls up on a bitchin' motorcycle. He takes off his helmet and reveals that he is OH SO HANDSOME. He has LONG, GLORIOUS HONEY-BLONDE HAIR and GORGEOUS GREEN EYES. Does he work out? YES HE DOES.

OFFICER 2: Excuse me, sir-- this is a crime scene.
DENMORE CAVENDISH:I'm a professor.
He pushes past the officer

OFFICER 1: I'm so glad you're here. These murders are getting out of control.
DENMORE: Look, I've got a theory.
He puts on a spelunking headlamp and starts looking over the grass. In only few minutes, he finds what he's looking for.

DENMORE: I knew it! A broken thermometer!
OFFICER 1: What has that got to do with anything?
OFFICER 2: Shut up, rookie! Let the professor work.
DENMORE: If my calculations are correct, all these murders were done by A SINGLE PERSON.
The officers gasp
DENMORE: And what's worse-- the person we're dealing has gone mad. As a hatter.
OFFICER 1: You mean!
DENMORE: Yes. Mercury Poisoning. Whoever did this is drinking mercury from these thermometers. Hat makers used to go crazy from unknowingly ingesting small amounts of mercury used to cure felt. But this murderer is doing it on purpose!
OFFICER 1: What a screwball!
DENMORE: There's only one problem.
Offficer 1 looks at him
DENSMORE: Drinking this much mercury would kill you. Instantly!
OFFICER 2: Wow-- to think of hats making someone crazy...
DENSMORE: Yes. There's several well documented cases-- in fact, I was just reading....
He breaks off.
DENSMORE: OFFICER-- I NEED TO GET TO A LIBRARY RIGHT NOW.

{I hope this is working for you guys.}