In 1975, the two giraffes moving into the house at 66666666666 Vilatanse St., Africa, had no idea that their new home had been built on the site of a horrible ancient massacre. 25 years later...
they found out.
3 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Truck Driver One: What's that you were saying?
Truck Driver Two: Here is what I said: I said that I picked up a hitchhiker and sure it was fine at first but then I found out it was a ghost and plus it's mouth was filled with blood. And then I woke up, and I thought it was just a dream but then I looked in the mirror and my mouth was filled with blood!
Truck Driver One: That is horrifying!
Truck Driver Two: Yes. And then I heard a crazy ghost laughter. It was laughing because it had haunted me to my core.
Truck Driver One: My core would have been haunted as well
Truck Driver Two: Yes. So you understand then. WAKE UP!
Truck Driver One: (waking) Hmmm? Oh, I must have been asleep. Let me look in the mirror to see if I have any sleep dust in my eyes oh I can't believe my eyes my mouth is filled with blood!
(Laughter of the first ghost and ghost of Truck Driver Two)
Truck Driver One: Aaaah! It has happened to me as well! I wonder....am I now cursed? Am I doomed to carry on the curse and haunt someone else's dream? Will I make someone else's mouth get all filled with blood?
Truck Driver Three: (waking) Ahh! Yes you will, Truck Driver One!! You have cursed me! But hold on. I'm going to check in the mirror, just to make sure. Fuuuuck! It's true!
Fangstrella: Life is not easy, being queen of all things damned and undead.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: I'm sorry, your highness. How can I make it easier for you, Queen Fangstrella?
Fangstrella: You cannot. And I will tell you why. It is because I am inconsolable. You know, Bytestryke, I never thought I'd say it but I miss life. I miss living! I miss waking up at dawn and smelling the scent of a fresh rain. I miss Christmas.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: Well we can still do those things, sort of. I mean, we can hold Christmas if you like. Yes! Fancy that! It will be the biggest undead Christmas the nether regions have ever seen!
Fangstrella: Bytestryke, you insolent fool! I should have you undeaded! What you just said is insulting and insensitive! Here is what that is comparable to. It is like a child owning a puppy that runs away and then the child's father buys him a new puppy. Well the child doesn't want a new puppy, Bytestrike! He wants the old puppy he lost! He wants what he loves, what was taken from him!
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: I'm sorry, Queen Fangstrella. I didn't realize. I'll try to be more thoughtful in the future.
Fangstrella: YOU OUGHT DO MORE THAN TRY IF YOU EVER WANT TO TASTE THE DELICIOUS WARMTH OF BLOOD AGAIN!!!! You are a soldier of the night, Bytestryke. Powerful. Haunting. But never forget that I can take that away from you at any moment. You exist because I think it, I wish it. You don't want that to change.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: Forgive me, my Queen. Please.
Fangstrella: (quietly) Of course, a surprise Christmas party would be an entirely different matter.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: (to himself) Aha! I am forming forming a plan!
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: I really like this ink you're using on my tattoo. It seems different somehow, like it's moving.
Tattoo Artist: I know. It's new ink. It is, of course, very expensive. Hey, do you see that hole there, in the roof?
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: I'm a Hell's Angel. I'm not a blind Hell's Angel.
Tattoo Artist: Well last night a meteorite crashed through the tattoo parlor's roof. It was glowing and pulsating and it was covered with all kinds of ink. I knew that ink would work in tattoos, and I just had to see what it would look like. But you're the first to see it. And it looks incredible, really fantastic. So realistic.
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Yes. I have never seen a more realistic portrayal of the devil's mouth. I'm glad that it covers my whole back. I mean, look at the sharp teeth! Look at how angry he looks! It's like he'd eat your sacred soul!
Tattoo Artist: Yes, I used to be into Satanism, so I had a lot of practice drawing Lucifer. I am an expert at it. Still, I must say, this the best I have ever drawn his mouth. I mean, not to brag, but look at it! It really looks like his forked tongue could just stick right out and stab me through my gut.
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Woah. It really does. Hey...hey...did I just see it's tongue move? How'd you do that?
Devil's Mouth Tattoo(!): Thankee kindly, Tattoo Artist! (fucking tongue stabs him and eats his soul)
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: What did you do?! What did you do?!
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Well VanMaxin, you know, I was kinda hungry. I was thinking about it and I thought, "Do I want McDonald's? Subway? Pizza Hut? Fat Burger? No...I think I know what I want...ME WANT SOUL!"
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: You're not real! It must be all those Hell's Angels drugs I took!
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: I assure, good sir, it is not. I am very real, and I am very hungry. Unfortunately, as I am only but mouth, I require your assistance to feed my unquenchable hunger.
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: No! I'll never help you! This is crazy! I'll just get this tattoo removed.
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Well, VanMaxin, tattoo removal is a very painful, very time consuming process. And by painful, I mean for those you have try and remove me. I will kill them, you see. Oh yes, I will kill them quite well! (giggles evily)
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Fine then. I'll just hide you and not let you near anybody. I'll starve you!
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Oh, VanMaxin. That would be very foolish of you. Why would you do such a thing when I can offer you so much!
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: L-l-like what?
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Like anything you want, VanMaxy. Whatever your heart desires. And I know you... How about...how about a new kickass Harley Motorcycle Bike?
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Though, I know I shouldn't, how can I resist all of my earthly desires? Oh, Christ..where are you in this time of temptation?
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Don't worry about that guy, VanMaxy. Let's go. You know, I think I feel like eating someone's sacred soul again.
3 comments:
Truck Driver One: What's that you were saying?
Truck Driver Two: Here is what I said: I said that I picked up a hitchhiker and sure it was fine at first but then I found out it was a ghost and plus it's mouth was filled with blood. And then I woke up, and I thought it was just a dream but then I looked in the mirror and my mouth was filled with blood!
Truck Driver One: That is horrifying!
Truck Driver Two: Yes. And then I heard a crazy ghost laughter. It was laughing because it had haunted me to my core.
Truck Driver One: My core would have been haunted as well
Truck Driver Two: Yes. So you understand then. WAKE UP!
Truck Driver One: (waking) Hmmm? Oh, I must have been asleep. Let me look in the mirror to see if I have any sleep dust in my eyes oh I can't believe my eyes my mouth is filled with blood!
(Laughter of the first ghost and ghost of Truck Driver Two)
Truck Driver One: Aaaah! It has happened to me as well! I wonder....am I now cursed? Am I doomed to carry on the curse and haunt someone else's dream? Will I make someone else's mouth get all filled with blood?
Truck Driver Three: (waking) Ahh! Yes you will, Truck Driver One!! You have cursed me! But hold on. I'm going to check in the mirror, just to make sure. Fuuuuck! It's true!
Fangstrella: Life is not easy, being queen of all things damned and undead.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: I'm sorry, your highness. How can I make it easier for you, Queen Fangstrella?
Fangstrella: You cannot. And I will tell you why. It is because I am inconsolable. You know, Bytestryke, I never thought I'd say it but I miss life. I miss living! I miss waking up at dawn and smelling the scent of a fresh rain. I miss Christmas.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: Well we can still do those things, sort of. I mean, we can hold Christmas if you like. Yes! Fancy that! It will be the biggest undead Christmas the nether regions have ever seen!
Fangstrella: Bytestryke, you insolent fool! I should have you undeaded! What you just said is insulting and insensitive! Here is what that is comparable to. It is like a child owning a puppy that runs away and then the child's father buys him a new puppy. Well the child doesn't want a new puppy, Bytestrike! He wants the old puppy he lost! He wants what he loves, what was taken from him!
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: I'm sorry, Queen Fangstrella. I didn't realize. I'll try to be more thoughtful in the future.
Fangstrella: YOU OUGHT DO MORE THAN TRY IF YOU EVER WANT TO TASTE THE DELICIOUS WARMTH OF BLOOD AGAIN!!!! You are a soldier of the night, Bytestryke. Powerful. Haunting. But never forget that I can take that away from you at any moment. You exist because I think it, I wish it. You don't want that to change.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: Forgive me, my Queen. Please.
Fangstrella: (quietly) Of course, a surprise Christmas party would be an entirely different matter.
Vampire Servant Bytestryke: (to himself) Aha! I am forming forming a plan!
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: I really like this ink you're using on my tattoo. It seems different somehow, like it's moving.
Tattoo Artist: I know. It's new ink. It is, of course, very expensive. Hey, do you see that hole there, in the roof?
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: I'm a Hell's Angel. I'm not a blind Hell's Angel.
Tattoo Artist: Well last night a meteorite crashed through the tattoo parlor's roof. It was glowing and pulsating and it was covered with all kinds of ink. I knew that ink would work in tattoos, and I just had to see what it would look like. But you're the first to see it. And it looks incredible, really fantastic. So realistic.
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Yes. I have never seen a more realistic portrayal of the devil's mouth. I'm glad that it covers my whole back. I mean, look at the sharp teeth! Look at how angry he looks! It's like he'd eat your sacred soul!
Tattoo Artist: Yes, I used to be into Satanism, so I had a lot of practice drawing Lucifer. I am an expert at it. Still, I must say, this the best I have ever drawn his mouth. I mean, not to brag, but look at it! It really looks like his forked tongue could just stick right out and stab me through my gut.
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Woah. It really does. Hey...hey...did I just see it's tongue move? How'd you do that?
Tattoo Artist: I-I-I didn't!!!
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: It's alive, man! It's alive!
Tattoo Artist: Oh no! I have summoned him!
Devil's Mouth Tattoo(!): Thankee kindly, Tattoo Artist! (fucking tongue stabs him and eats his soul)
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: What did you do?! What did you do?!
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Well VanMaxin, you know, I was kinda hungry. I was thinking about it and I thought, "Do I want McDonald's? Subway? Pizza Hut? Fat Burger? No...I think I know what I want...ME WANT SOUL!"
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: You're not real! It must be all those Hell's Angels drugs I took!
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: I assure, good sir, it is not. I am very real, and I am very hungry. Unfortunately, as I am only but mouth, I require your assistance to feed my unquenchable hunger.
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: No! I'll never help you! This is crazy! I'll just get this tattoo removed.
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Well, VanMaxin, tattoo removal is a very painful, very time consuming process. And by painful, I mean for those you have try and remove me. I will kill them, you see. Oh yes, I will kill them quite well! (giggles evily)
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Fine then. I'll just hide you and not let you near anybody. I'll starve you!
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Oh, VanMaxin. That would be very foolish of you. Why would you do such a thing when I can offer you so much!
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: L-l-like what?
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Like anything you want, VanMaxy. Whatever your heart desires. And I know you... How about...how about a new kickass Harley Motorcycle Bike?
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Though, I know I shouldn't, how can I resist all of my earthly desires? Oh, Christ..where are you in this time of temptation?
Devil's Mouth Tattoo: Don't worry about that guy, VanMaxy. Let's go. You know, I think I feel like eating someone's sacred soul again.
VanMaxin, Tattoo Customer: Okay, Devil's Mouth. Okay.
Post a Comment