HIPPO SURPRISE

So it's 2225, and the last two remaining hippopotomuses on earth are attending a dance contest in New York's trendy lower east side. They're not dancing but are just there to "check out the scene." Of course it's a huge event cause everyone there is there to watch the hippopotomuses just in case they fuck. And that's for two reasons: one, they might produce more hippopotomusses if they do it, and two, hippo-fucking is crazy hot in the future. It's not explained why in the context of the movie, but it is really, really true. Almost all pornography after 2100 is CGI with hippos fucking.

So the two hippos, who are named Diane and Hippotron, are at this dance contest, and it becomes really obvious that these two South African dancers are going to win cause of their amazing moves-- for example a double-up slam twist-- and the hippos look at each other and are like-- this thing's over-- let's get out of here. So everyone sees them leave and knows they are going to do it, which might be both really hot and save the race of hippo, which makes them want to go watch. The hippos are necking in a taxi and suddenly the taxi is surrounded by voyeurs, and so both the hippos, who by now realize that they're falling in love, say "We can't do this now" at the same time. They laugh, and then they're like -- where can we go? And they realize at the same time that the only place they can go to have "them-time" is Africa. So they go there.

The rest of the movie is first them doing it and thinking they can never succeed as a couple. Then Diane gets pregnant and Hippotron is like-- okay-- I can make this work. He gets a job at a swamp and the two hippos live together and find a way to love, even though they both miss the bustle of big city life and have MAJOR African parasites. Just as Hippotron Junior is about to be born, Hippotron gets in a major swamp accident and almost dies. But he survives, although paralyzed, and Diane and Hippotron are able to have more children thanks to virtual reality sex (broadcast on all the major porno channels) and the help of a scientist who figures out how to jerk-off paralyzed Hippos. It's really, really, really graphic, but it makes sense artistically and smarter audiences will be like Wow-- that was beautiful. At the end, as the human race succumbs to its inherently selfish nature and destroys itself in a rain of radioactive death, we realize that these hippos are the future of intelligent life on earth. And the audience claps all the way through the credits.