UNDERWATER GOLDCASTLE ADVENTURE

FADE UP. MUSIC: Machinehead by Bush.

Graham sits on his couch, looking at the phone on his coffee table. He's got a black-eye and Desert Eagle .45. After a decent interval, the phone rings.

BLAM! Graham shoots the phone at point blank range, which explodes the fuck up. Graham stands up.

GRAHAM: It's time to get down to business!!!!!

CUT TO GRAHAM IN THE SHOWER. We see that Graham is COVERED in MANY SCARS. Also, reveal the GRAHAM was WEARING A WIG in the previous scene. REVEAL that the Graham's head is COVERED WITH TATTOOS OF A WHAT LOOK LIKE PLANS FOR A SUPER SPACE ENGINE.

ALSO, Reveal that GRAHAM has an AVERAGE-SIZED PENIS. It is NOTHING SPECIAL.

CUT TO GRAHAM riding the city bus. MUSIC: literally anything by the Stone Temple Pilots.

REVEAL that GRAHAM is cleaning his gun secretly at his seat. He does it with BLINDING SPEED.

GRAHAM: It's time you paid the PRICE, Glamorkeo.

CUT to GLAMORKEO'S MANSION. VINCENTE GLAMORKEO is watching a giant plasma screen TV in his boxer shorts. Pan down to reveal angle up GLAMORKEO's boxer shots, REVEAL that GLAMORKEO also has an AVERAGE SIZED PENIS. Again, this penis is NO BIG DEAL.

GLAMORKEO: (Yelling to someone off screen) Hey! Are the drugs ready for delivery????!!

PAULO: Yeah they are boss!

CUT TO PAULO. Paulo is a big thug in a nice suit. He has a nose ring.

PAULO: I'm going to go deliver them right after I take a leak.

CAMERA FOLLOWS Paulo into a marble-tile, classy bathroom. PAN down from PAULO's cruel sneer to Paulo's PERFECTLY AVERAGE PENIS. It is just a REGULAR OLD PENIS.

CUT TO GRAHAM AS HE HIDES IN THE BUSHES OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. His gun is ready.

GRAHAM: Oh Boy am I coming for you, GLAMORKEO. Your DEBTS MUST BE PAID!

Graham pushes his way through the bushes.

CUT TO PAULO. He is washing his hands.

PAULO: Sammy! Gregor! Get in here and help me carry all these drugs out to my car!

CUT TO SAMMY.

SAMMY: Hold on one second! I'm changing!

Reveal that Sammy is changing his pants, and that he APPARENTLY GOES COMMANDO. This means that he does not wear underwear, and as a consequence we can easily see that he has A STANDARD ISSUE REGULARLY SIZED PENIS. His PENIS IS NORMAL.

GREGOR: (O.S) Wait a second for me too, boss!

CUT TO GREGOR

GREGOR: I'm shaving my balls!!

PAULO (O.S) Hurry it up, will ya?

We see that GREGOR is ALMOST DONE SHAVING HIS BALLS. REVEAL that GREGOR, Like EVERYONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE, has an AVERAGE, REGULAR PENIS that is NOTHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT. It is NOT a "SPECIAL" PENIS.

GREGOR: Okay, let's go!

CUT TO GRAHAM waiting next to a fancy JAGUAR car. Nearby, A door opens. Graham ducks behind a garbage can.

PAULO: Alright--Let's get these drugs down to the border. It's about time those immigrants started getting high.

GRAHAM stands upright.

GRAHAM: I thought so, you dirty poopers!!

GRAHAM fires all the bullets from his gun at the three guys. He does not hit them, but he does hit the box of drugs SAMMY and GREGOR were carrying. It explodes in drugs.

GRAHAM: Shit.

CUT TO SAMMY, GREGOR, AND PAULO, hiding behind the Jaguar.

PAULO: Alright everybody-- check your penises for bullet holes.

SAMMY: Good idea, boss.

SAMMY, PAULO, and GREGOR all quickly take out their penises and check them over. As before, the penises are revealed to be JUST LIKE ANY OTHER AVERAGE PENIS. There is really no reason to comment on them.

GREGOR: I'm good.

SAMMY: Me too.

PAULO: Alright then. Let's TAKE THIS GUY OUT!!!

The three gunmen take out their guns and jump up, firing blindly into the night.


{I love the movie so far--I think it's one of the most cinematic things I've ever written-- but where do I go from here??? Help me, team!!}