Jason Mizell was the only man ever to scale McDaniels Tower, the tallest building in North America and the one most guarded by robotic serial killers controlled by the Simmons Corporation. Some say Mizell was the best building scaler of the 23rd century. Others say he was the best building scaler in all of human history. Two days after his record scaling feat, though, a judge said he was a felon. And for Mizell, that was the only opinion that mattered.
14 years later.
Joseph Simmons, president of the Simmons corporation, has gone completely mad. And guess where he's got the President of the United States trapped at light-saber knife point? The top penthouse of his famous building. And now you're thinking exactly what the audience would be thinking: they're going to get Jason Mizell to scale the tower and save the president by offering him his freedom. And you know what? You're right. But what you don't realize is that everything I've written so far will take place within the first twenty seconds of the movie, and that the president will be safe on the ground before the opening credits are finished rolling. Oh, and guess what else? Mizell dies of old age less than a minute after he saves the president, and ten seconds after that the audience watches the earth as it is devoured by the sun more than a billion years from now. One by one the stars wink out, faster and faster as the universe speeds ever quicker to its slow, cold, end. Finally, 6 minutes and 12 seconds into the movie, every star is dead and there is no hope that any are yet be born. Two minutes pass in complete silence and darkness. And then to everyone's total surprise a cartoon giraffe head and neck poke up from the bottom of the screen. The giraffe blinks coquetteshly at the audience for a good second or two, then screams in utter horror as a cartoon version of our hero Jason Mizell climbs up its body by stabbing it again and again with cartoon butterfly knives. The final strike, which allows Jason to pull himself up as high as he possibly could on the poor animal, enters through the top of the skull and is clearly fatal.
The giraffe falls. Cartoon Jason Mizell stands huffing and puffing. He is exhausted from his climb.
JASON (to the audience): Welcome to hell.
Jason ties his long brown hair behind his head and pulls out a shotgun. Without even saying anything he presses it up against the dead giraffe and pulls the trigger. Cartoon guts spray everywhere as Jason sinks to his knees and begins to cry. For he has realized that even as he was killing his greatest enemy, he was also killing his only chance for a friend.
An eerie wind whistles through the nothing...
14 years later.
Joseph Simmons, president of the Simmons corporation, has gone completely mad. And guess where he's got the President of the United States trapped at light-saber knife point? The top penthouse of his famous building. And now you're thinking exactly what the audience would be thinking: they're going to get Jason Mizell to scale the tower and save the president by offering him his freedom. And you know what? You're right. But what you don't realize is that everything I've written so far will take place within the first twenty seconds of the movie, and that the president will be safe on the ground before the opening credits are finished rolling. Oh, and guess what else? Mizell dies of old age less than a minute after he saves the president, and ten seconds after that the audience watches the earth as it is devoured by the sun more than a billion years from now. One by one the stars wink out, faster and faster as the universe speeds ever quicker to its slow, cold, end. Finally, 6 minutes and 12 seconds into the movie, every star is dead and there is no hope that any are yet be born. Two minutes pass in complete silence and darkness. And then to everyone's total surprise a cartoon giraffe head and neck poke up from the bottom of the screen. The giraffe blinks coquetteshly at the audience for a good second or two, then screams in utter horror as a cartoon version of our hero Jason Mizell climbs up its body by stabbing it again and again with cartoon butterfly knives. The final strike, which allows Jason to pull himself up as high as he possibly could on the poor animal, enters through the top of the skull and is clearly fatal.
The giraffe falls. Cartoon Jason Mizell stands huffing and puffing. He is exhausted from his climb.
JASON (to the audience): Welcome to hell.
Jason ties his long brown hair behind his head and pulls out a shotgun. Without even saying anything he presses it up against the dead giraffe and pulls the trigger. Cartoon guts spray everywhere as Jason sinks to his knees and begins to cry. For he has realized that even as he was killing his greatest enemy, he was also killing his only chance for a friend.
An eerie wind whistles through the nothing...
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