INDIE ROCK: The movie

THE SHORT STOP BAR-- ext. night.

Fade up on The Short Stop in Echo Park. A line of skinny men in tight pants and faux-vintage t-shirts waiting desperately for entrance into this, the hottest hipster bar in LA's hottest neighborhood. The yellow streetlights and the neon from the Luck Joy down the street make their black hair look even more interesting.

The door to the Short Stop slams open. A man emerges. Zoom in on his face, and he's instantly recognizable as Alec Ounsworth, lead singer of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. He looks pissed. We cut to a man in line-- in this closeup shot we realize that the man in line is none other than Sam Perry from Architecture in Helsinki, concealed beneath an elaborate black wig, giant sunglasses, and false chinstrap beard. He's in disguise to avoid being hassled by fanboys.

SAM PERRY
Oi! Alec! Why're you looking so pissed?

ALEC (lighting a rag stuffed into a bottle of Vodka)
Because I am pissed, Perry! So fuck off!

As Alec finishes his sentence he hurls the flaming bottle back through the open door of the Short Stop. Then he runs up the street.

Close up on the growing fire. People storm out of the bar, leaping over growing flames. There's general panic and confusion, until KELE OKEREKE, handsome guitar and vocals from Bloc Party, comes into frame-- he's covered in soot and he's got a fire extinguisher in one hand and the unconcious body of Kim Deal from the Pixies and later the Breeders in the other. In seconds he's got the fire out and Kim Deal flat on the sidewalk. Kim looks dead.

KELE
Kim.... Kim... wake up.

Kele grabs her head and looks into her closed eyes.

KELE
Kim-- you've got to wake up. I love you.

Nothing. Then suddenly Kim coughs and sputters. Her eyes open.

KELE
Thank god.

KIM
Kele. What happened?

KELE
Nothing, Kim... I'm glad you're alright.

Kele helps Kim up and nods at a nearby paramedic (perfect opportunity for Tom Waits cameo), who comes over and leads her into an ambulance. Kele calls out to Perry.

KELE
Perry-- did you see anything?

SAM PERRY
Yeah. I saw Ounsworth.

KELE
Bastard.

A green '76 Datsun B210 roars up the street and screeches to a halt in front of the two. From it emerges the lanky and precocious Sufjan Stevens, draped in fur and gold.

SUFJAN
I came as soon as I heard. Is there anything I can do?

KELE
Yeah—you can call everyone together. We’ve got to do something about Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.

Close on Sufjan’s serious face. He nods.

SUFJAN
I’m all over it. You want me to get Meloy involved?

KELE
Keep the Decemberists out of things for once. I’ve had enough of their meddling.

SUFJAN
Right.

KELE
I’ll take the heat if he wises up.

SUFJAN
I hoped you’d say that. Okay, peace.

SUFJAN gets back in his car and drives away.


EXT./ INT SUFJAN STEVEN’S HOUSE—night.
Sufjan walks up to his front door in the hills of Silverlake. He’s on his cell phone.

SUFJAN
Yo Coyne. You in Los Angeles? Good. Okereke wants to see you—he wants to see everybody, tomorrow.

Sufjan opens his door and walks inside. He tries to turn on the lights but they don’t work.

SUFJAN (cont.)
No. You’re the first person I called. It’s about—

A long thin knife and a long thin arm emerge from the darkness. The arm reaches arounds Sufjan’s head, the knife point digs into Sufjan’s throat. From the darkness a whisper:

VOICE
Hang up the phone, Sufjan.

SUFJAN
I’ll call you right back, Wayne.

He closes his phone.

VOICE
Good boy.

SUFJAN
Ounsworth?

VOICE
He wishes.

SUFJAN
Oberst. I’d recognize that arrogance anywhere.

Sufjan steps forward, pulling the man standing behind him into the light. Reveal it is indeed Conor Oberst, a cruel smirk twisting his mouth and with a sickening gleam in his eyes.

OBERST
Yeah? Well I’d recognize your bullshit brand of state-themed folk-pop anywhere.

SUFJAN
Big talk from the man with the knife at my throat. There a reason for that, by the way?

OBERST
I wouldn’t need a reason to slit your throat, Stevens. But right now I’m only here to deliver a message. Stay clear from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.

SUFJAN
Says who?

OBERST
That’s for me to know and you to get killed if you ever find out. Got it?

SUFJAN
Yeah, I got it. Kele’s gonna hear about this, you realize.

OBERST
I expect him to. If he knows what’s good for him he’ll listen good and let the cops handle Ounsworth.

SUFJAN (derisively)
The cops!

OBERST
That’s right, the cops. You know, that’s how the law's supposed to work.

SUFJAN
Is it? I must a missed that day in growing up class.

OBERST
Har Har, Stevens.

SUFJAN
Har yourself, Bright Eyes!

Sufjan suddenly drops to his knees, leaving Oberst empty handed. Sufjan stands up, blocks Oberst’s knife thrust with one arm and punches Oberst across the face with the other. Oberst drops like a rock.

SUFJAN
A three star pussy-- I can't say I'm surprised. Now let’s see what’s in your wallet, farm boy.


[That's it so far, except in act three Jeff Magnum from NMH shoots both Belle and Sebastian in the knees to get them to talk. intrigued or turned off? What do you think?]