ADVENTURE CRAZY: X 2THA X2

DATELINE: fucking point .25 seconds after the end of ADVENTURE CRAZY: X 2THA X.

If you recall: Darren, Tamara, and our hero international superspy moviestar hard-drinking professional surf-racer Zak X. Flavordrome were enjoying a good laugh after defeating the evil plan of General Smashmouth inside his secret lab inside Mount Danger. Zak had just made a hilarious joke, but even before everyone is finished laughing three shots ring out! They're missiles from a missile sniper and Zak is the only one smart enough to duck just in time. Tamara and Darren's torsos explode but Zak doesn't even have time to watch as he goes into a monkey roll and comes up with two .357 magnums from dead soldiers and pulls the triggers and kills all 25 of the missile snipers just as they pull their triggers. BANG RING BANG RING BANG RING RING! Missiles explode all around Zak as he dodges behind the space shuttle and pulls out his top secret government cell phone.

"Hello?" he says into the phone as he grabs a zipline that leads all the way down from the top of the Mount Danger to the bottom of Diablo Canyon."Oh, hello Mr. President." Zak says but just then he has to throw his cell phone at one of three hundred jet pack ninjas that are suddenly swarming all around him throwing thousands of honed shurikens at him as he accelerates down the zipline, which, it turns out, has just been set on fire.

Zak jumps off the line, jumps off a jetpack ninja and onto another jetpack ninja again and again and again all the way down to edge of Diablo Canyon, where there's a supertank that weighs 40,000 tons waiting for him and firing 50 howitzers at him per second even as he has to dodge all the falling jetpack ninjas that are falling all around him since he jumped on their backs and fucked up their jetpacks. He leaps behind a boulder and luckily finds his phone only slightly damaged. The phone goes to his ear as he drop kicks the first of 200 robo-dobermans with electric fangs that are being shot at him out of prototype pooch cannon developed by the Nazis.

"What's up, President Goldboard?"

"Bad news, Zak. Smashmouth is back."

"General Smashmouth? But that's impossible!" says Zak, swinging a robotic doberman up into the sky and hitting the chief of the Jetpack Ninjas, Deathimoto, who crashes into a dump truck full of grenades and hugely explodes.

"Believe it, Flavordrome-- The one you killed was just a clone!"

"Shitfuck! Then where can Smashmouth be hiding?"

"He's in anot--"

Zak tosses the phone away in disgust, tired of the bullshit games.

"I'll solve this myself, my way. But wait, I better ask the president something.'

Flavordrome grabs the phone as he knocks an assassin off a dirtbike, jumps on it, and takes off in between two helicopters which crash into each other and destroy the supertank. But when he listens to the phone all he can hear is gunshots and a gargling sound.

"Fuck!" shouts Flavordrome to the sky."They got Goldboard-- the only president I've ever trusted."

The camera zooms in on Flavordrome's face as he jumps the dirt bike off a ramp and throws throwing knives at four huge biker dudes with heat sinking missles that are tracking his dirtbike through the sky. "Time to kick it up a notch!" he says. All the biker dudes get hit in the eye, fall backwards and fire their missiles at the sky, where the missiles hit russian stealth jets which crash all around Zak as he makes the final jump over Diablo cannon and into Area 2 Million, the secret government research area that Zak's dead father designed the same day Zak first got signed as a professional rockboarder at the age of 9.

"There's only one place Smashmouth could be hiding-- another dimension." Flavordrome says through his teeth, kicking the brains out of two guards in mid-air and slamming a mountain dew: code red as he slides into a ventilation shaft 20 feet off the ground. "And me knowing how to get to that dimension is only half the battle."

Just then, Zak shoots his way out of the ventilation shaft and into at supersecret meeting of top villains at which General Smashmouth is just then yelling "We have to stop Flavordrome!" As Zak leaps over the villains, snapping the necks of more than half of them on his way to General Smashmouth, Smashmouth takes out a remote control and opens a gateway to another dimension and leaps through as it closes. Zak just has time to grab his ankle, which he breaks instantly.



The camera zooms in on Zaks face again. "Shitlord," he says, then gets into a heavily armed research hovercraft and crashes through giant warehouse doors shooting lazers in every direction killing 50,000 attack pterodactyls out of the sky in one second but what Zak didn't know is that they've been rigged to explode when they hit the ground. Zak realizes the hovercraft isn't going to make it so we see him slam his foot down on the gas pedal and throw it into 10th gear just as 8,000 pterodactyls crash land onto it-- Zak stands on the roof as the hovercraft slides forward exploding to shit and Zak leaps off and kicks down a metal door and punches out the guards behind it. Zak runs past a wall and he's going so fast that only in the DVD features will it be revealed that on the wall there's a sign that says "This way to the dimension research labs and nuclear weapon storage."

Two seconds later Zak pushes a ten-ton box that says "Warheads" on the side through a dimensional portal and taps in the time to explosion code for 2 seconds, then he pushes the bomb in and closes the portal just as the detonator goes off and reality waves shimmer.

Zak is clearly about to say something like-- "I bet that killed him" or something when the portal opens and GENERAL SMASHMOUTH, his face a mask of cruelty, steps out only now he's a hundred feet tall and he's got a HUGE MACHINE GUN that shoots bullets that are 8 feet long and poison which he fires everywhere and which destroy everything.

"YOU FOOL" General Smashmouth shouts. "In the X dimension Nuclear Blasts just make every one MORE POWERFUL. You've fallen right into my trap and the wages for your fall are certain death! HAHAHAHAH."

And just as General Smashmouth is holding his giant gun against Zak's head and pulls the trigger and the huge bullet is actually traveling down the gun to explode his head Zak dodges and pulls a warhead out from his parka and jumps up and jams it in Smashmouth's now huge belly button hole. They look into each other's eyes as Zak presses the remote control. Close up on Zak as he says "You're the one that got fooled, Smashmouth." Then Zak dives behind the crates as the blast goes off and Smashmouth is blown in half and is killed for good.

"Wow," says Zak. " And to think for this I missed going to that Linkin Park concert"

Zak chuckles.

END OF MOVIE