SCENE: Oregon someplace. A sunny day at the beach. A middle-aged man yells at his kids, who are exploring the rocks around the edge of the beach.
MIDDLE-AGED MAN: George! Richard! Donner! Get away from those rocks!
GEORGE: But dad, we're just exploring!
MIDDLE AGED MAN: Do what I tell you! You never know what kind of danger you can run into when you're exploring!
The middle aged man takes a puff from his inhaler, than flashes back to his awesome adventures in GOONIES ONE. We realize that the middle aged man is none other than MIKEY!
RICHARD: Alright, Dad. But it's not dangerous.
MIKEY: You never know. Besides, we have to get to that custody hearing.
DONNER: We don't want to go to that custody hearing, Dad! We want to stay with you.
MIKEY: It's good to hear that, son. But the truth is this whole thing is my fault for marrying Amy Fratelli, the youngest and sexiest of the Fratelli clan. She turned out to be just lke the other Fratellis.
GEORGE: We don't need her money, dad.
MIKEY: But I guess without her I never would have had you kids. You're so precious to me.
ALL: We love you too, dad.
RICHARD: Hey look, a cannon ball!
RICHARD looks down at a rusty cannon ball nestled among the rocks. He tries to grab it, and when he does a chain falls out of it and snakes into a hole in the ground very rapidly. There's an ominous whirring and clanking sound from beneath the ground, then suddenly a skeleton pops out of the ground on a complicated antique mechanism and chops the ground with his sword! George just barely dodges out of the way.
DONNER: Look out!
Another skeleton pops out of the ground, streaming sand, and chops Mikey in the skull. His eyes glaze over as blood pours down from inside his brain.
MIKEY: Run, kids! Run away! I love you!
GEORGE: We won't leave you!
Meanwhile, hundreds of pirate skeletons with swords are springing up from the sand all around them and chopping the ground.
MIKEY: Listen-- the reason I brought you to this beach is because of the legend of no-eyed Willy, one-eyed Willy's flamboyantly gay and even more rich and evil half-brother. There's rumours of an even greater treasure, and it looks like we're closer than I ever imagined. You've got to find it!
RICHARD: But we don't care about a treasure!
In the distance a giant rock rolls out of a cliff and a cannon with two skeletons rolls forward. We see that one of them is holding a sparkler and is poised to set the cannon off.
MIKEY: If you find the treasure you'll never have to go and live with your gangster mom. You can do whatever you want!
GEORGE: He's right!
The skeleton lowers the sparkler! With a loud boom the cannon goes off and the ball sails right over the heads of the family!
DONNER: Look out!
The cannon and the skeletons are pushed right out of the cave, tumbling down the rocks. In their place emerges another cannon and another skeleton with a sparkler, all moving on old-timey mechanisms powered by sand and water. But this cannon isn't your average cannon--it's a giant twelve barreled gatling cannon, and it begins to fire immediately.
MIKEY: You gotta run. Find the treasure! I'm dead anyway. But remember--we're Goonies.
ALL: Goonies for life!
Cannon balls start landing everywhere around them, blowing giant chunks of sand and rock into the air. The kids take off up the beach as their dad appears to be blown to smithereens beneath a giant cloud of sand.
RICHARD: DAD!
GEORGE: It was his choice, Richard. Now let's do what he would have wanted us to do.
DONNER: To that cave!
The kids head for the cave with the gatling cannon in it. We see them scrambling into it from a long shot. Then a black mercedes pulls up in the beach parking lot. A strikingly beautiful italian-looking women steps out and surveys the scene with a cold look on her face. It is AMY FRATELLI. The wind blows her hair back as she walks to her trunk and unlocks it.
VOICE: Don't even move!
WOMAN: Jake, Frank-- don't fire. The kids are gone.
JAKE: So we're not going to kidnap them?
WOMAN: There's no point. My ex-husband is dead-- I can see him down there with a sword through his head. I automatically get custody.
The guys get out, and we realize that they're the original Fratelli Brothers from Goonies one!
JAKE: But then where are your kids, Amy?
FRANCIS: What the-- more skeletons!
AMY: I guess Mikey finally found what's he's been secretly looking for ever since the divorce-- the hidden lair of no-eyed Willy.
JAKE: And the kids?
AMY: They must be inside that cave. And if they think they can escape from me, they've got another thing coming.
FRANCIS: Let's get 'em!
AMY: Grab your tommy guns. And your flashlights. We're gonna get those Goonies!
The three walk toward the cave. As they pass the car, Amy taps on the back window. Inside we her mom, Mama Fratelli, delirious with age, crouched in the back seat with a revolver and some chlorophyl.
MAMA: I'll get them!
AMY: Stay here. We'll be back.
MAMA: Damn Goonies!
We see the three criminals head into the cave. But just as they do, a motorcycle with a sidecar pulls into the parking lot. The person driving the motorcycle is immensly fat, and the passenger in the sidecar is gigantic and wearing a very oddly shaped helmet. But due to the dark visors on their helmets, it's impossible to tell who they are.
DRIVER: We're too late-- I guess we shouldn't have stopped at Godfather's.
PASSENGER: BUTTER FINGER?
DRIVER: There's no time. We've go to get into that cave and get that treasure.
PASSENGER: MIKEY?
DRIVER: You're right-- that's Mikey's Volvo right there! What the hell is going on!
PASSENGER: BUTTER FINGER?
DRIVER: Not now. We've got to save Mikey's kids!
The driver guns the motorcycle down onto the beach, then weaves in and out of the still chopping sword skeletons until he gets to the cave.
DRIVER: Let's do this!
PASSENGER: BUTTER FINGER?
DRIVER: Not now.
The mysterious duo jump off the motorcycle and head up into the cave.
ROLL TITLE CREDITS: Goonies 2
2 comments:
Stephen, let me just say that though this is not the first Goonies sequel I have read, it is most certainly the best. However, I did note that you noted that some cast members are dead or have been killed. You are right! Unfortunately, the actors that have died are Ma Fratelli and Sloth, both of which I believe are in your screenplay. I don't actually see this as a problem, as technology can get around this issue with nobody noticing (See the Sopranos episode that has Tony Sopranos dead mom flawlessly CGI'd into it). Also, a CGI Sloth could be much bigger, and even more grotesque (thought: maybe even more than just the costume super power of Superman and have things like laser vision and flight? Don't know what you have planned). Anyway, just something to budget for. Also, reading the comments for your other screenplays made me think about the casting for this screenplay. I looked over "Undiscovered's" audition tape, and I really do think he'd be the best fit for the lead in this movie. I don't really think you can fault the guy for being persistent. From what I hear, acting is a tough thing to get into, and if this "Undiscovered" guy is lucky enough to stumble upon a screenwriter with a unique vision, of course I'm going to campaign for that role. I just think you could give the guy a break.
Dale--
Thanks for the great comment. I appreciate the thought and the time that went into it.
Stop me if I'm wrong, though-- aren't you secretly the "undiscovered" that's been asking to get roles in all the movies I've written in the past few weeks? Because all my experience with blogs (I read and/or regularly post on more than 20) tells me that no one would ever be so nice to a stranger as to advocate for them to get a job.
I don't think anyone is that nice. I could be wrong, though, so let me qualify what I'm about to say by saying it doesn't apply if you're really a different person than undiscovered.
Dale, Fuck You.
I'm happy to consider any one of the millions of people who read my screenplay blog for any part. But I don't appreciate manipulation. If you want a part in one of my screenplays, just ask.
Speaking of a part in one of my screenplays, you mentioned you thought "undiscovered" would be good for "the lead" in my screenplay. But what I've published so far-- about five out of roughly 130 pages of my work-- does not even contain an appearance by the lead! For Your Information (FYI) the lead of this play turns out to be a pirate and timetraveller by the name of "Denmore Cavendish," who saves the lives of all the goonies (yes, all of them, even the new ones) through the clever use of a skeleton and two tons of "binary liquid" explosive. Those who love film may recognize the concept from the academy award winning "Die Hard 3," (although I doubt you, Dale, are such a person") but believe me when I say it fits perfectly into this screenplay like a hand into a boxing glove. Kapow!
As to your "point" about Sloth and Ma Fratelli being dead: Fuck you again. I'm not going to ruin the screenplay for all the readers, but I will give you a hint: Sloth has a twin named Slor. And Ma Fratelli isn't dead.
Check back all the time for more updates!
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