FRANKLIN:
This gardening store is so boring.
GRACE: It sure is! I don't like working here-- I wish there was something we could do.
FRANKLIN: Maybe there is!! Let's burn this place to ashes!
GRACE: I'll improvise a flamethrower from this pesticide sprayer and this can of gasoline!
FRANKLIN: I'll kill the security guards!
(Time lapse): A baby plant emerges from soil, grows, and then bursts into flower, then is set on fire.
GRACE: Franklin, you're back! I'm having a lot of trouble with this improvised flame thrower...
FRANKLIN: I killed all the guards!
GRACE: Well, I don't think the flame thrower is happening. So....
FRANKLIN: I drowned them, Grace. I drowned them all.
GRACE: What do you want me to say? This is impossible!
FRANKLIN: Okay... we'll figure out another way to burn down this gardening store.
GRACE: I already smell like gasoline.
FRANKLIN: Well then I'll do it. Give me that gasoline!
GRACE: Don't! I was bored before, but trying to make the flame thrower was fun and now I don't hate this job anymore! And I realize that I need it to pay for my kids!
FRANKLIN: We've all got kids, Grace! I have three little boys! But if we don't burn down this damn gardening store and destroy the security tapes inside I am going to go to JAIL!!! And what will happen to my kids then? They'll be raised by their mom!
GRACE: What's wrong with that! Heather is a charming woman!
FRANKLIN: Kids need a father! And I'm the only one they've got!
GRACE: They'll be fine!
FRANKLIN: Don't you tell me how to raise my kids! I'm gonna burn down this gardening store!
GRACE: Don't do it!
FRANKLIN: LISTEN TO ME! I don't have any choice!!
GRACE EVERYONE HAS A CHOICE! AND YOU CHOSE TO KILL THOSE SECURITY GUARDS! AND NOW YOU''LL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT CHOICE!!
FRANKLIN: Not if I burn down this gardening store!
GRACE: Look out a dragon!!!
A giant dragon with green scales and sick, evil eyes swoops down from the sky and lands with a crash on the roof of the gardening store. It takes one look at Franklin and Grace, who are like ants in comparison to its massive size, then turns to the side and vomits bloody fire all over the gardening store. The whole building goes up in flames, and as it does so the dragon continues to dry-heave while clutching it's tender belly with it's huge paws. The dragon tries to fly away but is caught in the flames and dies. As it perishes, it seems to cast an angry look over at Grace and Frank-- this is all their fault.
GRACE: That dead dragon has golden claws! Looks like I don't need to keep this job at the gardening store after all!
FRANKLIN: And the fire surely destroyed the security camera footage of me killing those security guards.
GRACE: Both our problems are solved.
FRANKLIN: But... but...
GRACE: I know...
FRANKLIN: A precious dragon had to die.
Boss Garger arrives.
BOSS GARGER: Oh god! My gardening store is ruined!
FRANKLIN: Don't worry-- the claws are made of gold.
BOSS GARGER: Still, though. I put all my life into that gardening store.
GRACE: And I have dibs on the claws.
FRANKLIN: There are enough claws to share.
BOSS GARGER: Why didn't the security guards stop the dragon?
Silence.
FRANKLIN: Perhaps....
BOSS GARGER:.. perhaps they realized that dragons...
GRACE: They're dead, Garger.
FRANKlN: The... the dragon killed them.
BOSS GARGER: It all makes sense.
Together they all stare at the burning gardening store. Night falls.
Pan to reveal Gandalf on top of The Empire State building.
GANDALF: If only they knew the long history of that dragon. But I can't tell them, because of wizard rules.
Then, directly to camera:
GANDALF (cont.) But I can tell you! Because you, the viewer, exist outside of the magical world of story. Imagine, if you will, a big mountain made out of rocks and covered with snow and trees. There, almost 5,000 years ago, is where the story begins.
CUT TO: The mountain.
GANDALF: (VO) I was there, in a secret cave, watching two dragons doing it-- they were making love to each other, if you can imagine that. I don't have to imagine.
We see Gandalf in a cave. He's breathing heavy and not wearing a shirt. We see he's watching two giant dragons having sex in crazy ways-- position that are insane, and that only dragons could ever do. Incredible.
GANDALF: (VO) I was there.
The dragons french kiss, their long serpentine tongues intertwining and forming a tangled tongue knot.
GANDALF: Uh oh!
GANDALF'S BROTHER: They'll be stuck together!
GANDALF: I know! They'll never get unstuck!
The dragons try to separate but they can't. They both start to cry and get depressed.
GANDALF: I'll save them!
Gandalf hops on his broom and flies out to the dragons, who at this point are wishing they were dead because their tongues hurt so much, and for a dragon there's nothing worse.
GANDALF: HEY DRAGONS!
The dragons look confused.
GANDALF: Ooops! I wasn't speaking dragon.
GANDALF: (in dragon) (screaming) GLORG SMORG BORG JIORG BMROELD AGAND ASWORD GRAGHHHHHH!!! BARGLE MARG FARLG SCRALD. SKARK BLSARG HARGARLIMARK!!!! SLARM BLARKIRNGSKARK! GLAKLE BARGLE MARG MRAKILGARCH! CHARKADARK!
GANDALF (VO): What I told the dragons was that I would untie their tongues if they gave me a free dragon baby that I could have as my slave for life.
The dragons relunctantly nod, and Gandalf jubilantly flies to the sky and makes fireworks appear.
GANDALF
I was so happy. Later, I killed both the dragons. And I used their baby for my slave.
CUT TO: The Gardening store-- the police and fire departments have arrived. Franklin is talking to the sheriff.
FRANKLIN: And then the dragon landed on the building and it burned up with the building.
SHERIFF: What about the claws of the dragon? What happened to those?
GRACE: I don't know.
SHERIFF: Well, who cares? After all...
Reveal the sheriff is Gandalf in a sheriff costume
...who cares about dragons? All they're good for is slaves, anyway!
He winks directly at the camera and laughs.
THE END
3 comments:
You know, Stephen, I think the reason I like your screenplays so much is because it's so obvious you respect your audience. You don't feel the need to spoon feed the audience. You give them complex moral dilemmas, and imaginative ideas, and you let them fill in the blanks. You respect us enough to do that. A lesser writer may have felt the need to explain why the dragon was sick and vomiting fire. It's a fair question, but frankly, each person in the audience is going to have their own best way to answer that question. You understand that and you leave it to them. Personally, a slew of ideas ran through my brain. For example, maybe the dragon had had too much to drink. Or maybe it was a dragon bird flu that had slowly been spreading throughout Asia. But maybe it was something even more spectacular, like maybe a baby star had spontaneously started to form in the dragon's stomach and the star knew the dragon was thinking about getting an abortion and so it decided to abort itself but at the same time make the dragon vomit fire. Or maybe it was food poisoning. My point is that you left it for us to decide the "why," just as you did when we watched Gandolf shirtlessly panting while dragon intercourse. You respect us, and you know (rightly), that wherever you take us, we'll do our best to follow. Thank you, Stephen.
Red eyes burn with fire. Gaze on me and ignite me - leave nothing but claws and charcoal. The dragon is gone. The store is gone. They are the same. They were the same. We profit from their loss. Gold is our greed and boredom our master. We PROFIT from their LOSS. Immolate uncaring. WE profit from THEIR loss. The body burns but the spirit is cold. A dragon died. It did not have to.
Were you high when you wrote this? This stuff makes like no scense. When Franklin' said he was going to burn the place down you TOTALLY lost me. And then what? A dragon comes out of nowhere and he's sick and then Gandalf? Yeah I read the whole thing and I still don't know whats up. I think you should write a prequel that like shows how the dragon got sick. Nobody cares about some bullshit gardening store, and Gandalf is totally played out from those lord of the rings movies. Just focus on the dragon and give us his story. a slave dragon that was raised by somebody? Now thats cool. And what did he die of? Can dragons get like stomach ulcers or worms or shit, or is it some dragon specific disease? You could even get like a dragon vet or something to diagnose his disease as terminal. Show us whats on a dragons bucket list. seriously, a TON of good ideas for a dragon sequel. Those are all just the top of my head. Your the professional so you should have a ton more too.
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