SCENE: A major urban city. A camping store.
REX: Hey Lazer! Maybe we should get this tent!
LAZER: We won't need a tent in the wilderness where WE'RE going. Just grab those two power bars and we'll get the hizzy out the dizzy.
REX: Lazer-- what about this warm jacket here?
LAZER: Listen to me, Rex: Get the damn power bars and get over here. I've already got everything else we need. See?
Rex is holding two armfuls of camping pornography.
REX: Cmon, Lazer-- camping porn? We don't need that stuff--
LAZER: YES WE DO!!!'
REX; Fine, let's go to the check out.
At the check out.
CHECK-OUT GIRL: You guys going camping?
LAZER: Obviously.
REX: Yeah-- we're headed up to Mount Danger for the weekend. Should be a blast.
CHECK OUT GIRL: This is a lot of camping porno for one weekend.
LAZER: Shut up, skank, and let us pay you.
REX: Rex, chill out!
LAZER: Don't take her side!
REX (to checkout girl): I'm sorry-- here, just take the money.
In a car going up a mountain road. Lazer is driving
LAZER: Hey, could you steer for a second-- I want to get a look at some of this camping pornography.
REX: Well, just pull over and I'll drive.
LAZER: Nobody drives this car but the Lazer.
REX: The roads are too curvey for me to steer, Laze.
LAZER: Fuck it then. I'll look at it later. Wait no-- you get it and hold it up so I can see it.
REX: Wasn't that the sign right there?
LAZER: No way, man. Now get that camping pornography.
The two guys hike through dense forest. Rex has a small backback, Lazer is carrying two armfuls of camping pornography.
LAZER: We're almost there, Rex.
REX: God, it's so beautiful up here.
LAZER: I know, man. That's why I love camping.
Nightfall on Rex and Lazer. Lazer is reading camping pornography in the fading light.
REX: Lazer, it's getting kind of cold. Should we build a fire or something?
LAZER: No man, we'll be fine. Shut up for a second while I read this.
REX: Cool.
SCENE: Morning. Rex and Lazer are both under piles of camping pornography magazines. They clearly almost froze during the night.
REX: Lazer-- the sun is up.
LAZER (groggily): Sweet, dude. Just give me a few more minutes with these magazines and we'll hit the trail.
REX: I think we ought to go now-- I'm starving.
LAZER: Grow up, Rex! We have all day to get down the trail. Eat a power bar.
REX: WE ARE OUT OF POWER BARS, LAZER. WE EACH HAD ONE YESTERDAY, REMEMBER.
LAZER: We'll then fucking man-up, loser. We'll be fine, and the longer you talk to me now the longer it will be before we leave.
REX: You're being a jerk.
LAZER: Christ.
A bear, drawn to the scent of camping pornography, comes out from behind a tree and disembowels Rex with one swipe of its claw.
REX: Oh god-- Lazer, run!
He dies. Lazer takes off into the bushes.
[Fellow screenplayers-- this is all the time I have left to write right now, but I really think this could be inspirational. I promise I'll write another entry where Lazer will learn a lot about him self and nature and the title "MAN WHO CAN CONTROL ANIMALS" makes more sense. Till later! ]
REX: Hey Lazer! Maybe we should get this tent!
LAZER: We won't need a tent in the wilderness where WE'RE going. Just grab those two power bars and we'll get the hizzy out the dizzy.
REX: Lazer-- what about this warm jacket here?
LAZER: Listen to me, Rex: Get the damn power bars and get over here. I've already got everything else we need. See?
Rex is holding two armfuls of camping pornography.
REX: Cmon, Lazer-- camping porn? We don't need that stuff--
LAZER: YES WE DO!!!'
REX; Fine, let's go to the check out.
At the check out.
CHECK-OUT GIRL: You guys going camping?
LAZER: Obviously.
REX: Yeah-- we're headed up to Mount Danger for the weekend. Should be a blast.
CHECK OUT GIRL: This is a lot of camping porno for one weekend.
LAZER: Shut up, skank, and let us pay you.
REX: Rex, chill out!
LAZER: Don't take her side!
REX (to checkout girl): I'm sorry-- here, just take the money.
In a car going up a mountain road. Lazer is driving
LAZER: Hey, could you steer for a second-- I want to get a look at some of this camping pornography.
REX: Well, just pull over and I'll drive.
LAZER: Nobody drives this car but the Lazer.
REX: The roads are too curvey for me to steer, Laze.
LAZER: Fuck it then. I'll look at it later. Wait no-- you get it and hold it up so I can see it.
REX: Wasn't that the sign right there?
LAZER: No way, man. Now get that camping pornography.
The two guys hike through dense forest. Rex has a small backback, Lazer is carrying two armfuls of camping pornography.
LAZER: We're almost there, Rex.
REX: God, it's so beautiful up here.
LAZER: I know, man. That's why I love camping.
Nightfall on Rex and Lazer. Lazer is reading camping pornography in the fading light.
REX: Lazer, it's getting kind of cold. Should we build a fire or something?
LAZER: No man, we'll be fine. Shut up for a second while I read this.
REX: Cool.
SCENE: Morning. Rex and Lazer are both under piles of camping pornography magazines. They clearly almost froze during the night.
REX: Lazer-- the sun is up.
LAZER (groggily): Sweet, dude. Just give me a few more minutes with these magazines and we'll hit the trail.
REX: I think we ought to go now-- I'm starving.
LAZER: Grow up, Rex! We have all day to get down the trail. Eat a power bar.
REX: WE ARE OUT OF POWER BARS, LAZER. WE EACH HAD ONE YESTERDAY, REMEMBER.
LAZER: We'll then fucking man-up, loser. We'll be fine, and the longer you talk to me now the longer it will be before we leave.
REX: You're being a jerk.
LAZER: Christ.
A bear, drawn to the scent of camping pornography, comes out from behind a tree and disembowels Rex with one swipe of its claw.
REX: Oh god-- Lazer, run!
He dies. Lazer takes off into the bushes.
[Fellow screenplayers-- this is all the time I have left to write right now, but I really think this could be inspirational. I promise I'll write another entry where Lazer will learn a lot about him self and nature and the title "MAN WHO CAN CONTROL ANIMALS" makes more sense. Till later! ]
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