NEW YORK CITY-- 1:00 am
JOHN DAVIS, dressed as a businessman, is walking down Times Square Avenue. He's talking on his cell phone.
JOHN (angrily)
I didn't call every adoption agency in the country for my health. I'm just trying to find out who my real parents are!
Pause.
JOHN
Oh good, you'll tell me?
Just as John says this, he is bumped into by a figure in what might be a trenchcoat who's face we can't really make out.
FIGURE
Excuse me.
JOHN
Okay-- go ahead and tell me.
The view is of the right side of John's head, and when he turns to his left we see that his cellphone is gone and he's just holding his empty hand up to his face.
JOHN
What the-- my cellphone-- damnflam!
John turns around and looks for the guy that bumped into him. But he sees nothing but a couple of garbage men finishing their rounds, a chinese man with some ice-skates, and a sad undergraduate named Alden.
OPENING TITLES
The opening titles is an astonishing montage of people checking their back pockets, their inside pockets, or in their purses for their wallets and then looking confused. The camera swirls through hundreds of them while the following song is sung in a sexy women's voice.
Pick Pocket- Pick Pocket
You can't stop him like you can't
stop a rocket.
You can't stop him and he's not
on the docket
Your momma's Precious Locket?
It's the Pick Pocket
The Money in your wallet?
It's the Pick Pocket
Your Ticket to the Tropics?
It's the Pick Pocket
The Pick Pocket
The Pick Pocket
Cause he's the master theif with hands of silk
Who takes your stuff like he's drinking milk
When he takes your wallet
You're like man who stole it?
His Identity is Unknown!
But it won't be long......
Before his cover is blown...
YEAH
(saxaphone solo)
Int. New York City Police Department --6 am.
A large number of police officers sit at desks. Captain Skullings steps up to the podium.
CAPTAIN SKULLINGS
Goddamn it, people, thefts are up more than 250 percent in the last week alone. We are LOSING this city, and we're losing it to a pickpocket! We've got to find him!
OFFICER BLUT
I received 20 complaints on my way to work alone!
CAPTAIN SKULLINGS
This is exactly what I'm talking about! We're losing all the tourism in our economy because people are scared.
OFFICER MOLDING
Why do you think it's just one pickpocket? Couldn't it instead be gang of clever pickpockets?
CAPTAIN SKULLINGS
Look at this map. The red string follows all the pickpocketing incidents by time and place.
OFFICER MOLDING
That string follows a straight line through many places in New York.
CAPTAIN SKULLING
Exactly-- so we're sure it must just be one person. But even victims who notice immediately that they've been pickpocketed say they never get a good look at the-- wait a second! Where's MY WALLET?
OFFICER BLUT
And where's my gun?
OFFICER MOLDING
And where's MY wallet AND my gun?
DETECTIVE DUCHOVONIC
And where's my insulin!!!!!
DETECTIVE KEVIN
And my gun is missing-- and so is my gunbelt!
OFFICER SKULLING
It looks like we're dealing with a criminal even more amazing than we thought. And now he's taking guns. This probably means he's about to stop pick pocketing-- and is going to start a war. On us.
DETECTIVE DUCHOVONIC
I found my insulin-- but my keys to the Police Armory are missing!
OFFICER SKULLING
Let's move, people.
2 comments:
I love this. Love it. Crime capers are so damn EXCITING when done right!
When you cast this screenplay, are you looking for expensive well-known movie stars or are you going for more of an unknown cast?
Personally, I'd go for the unknown cast, as audiences won't enter the theater with preconceived notions of the actors.
Of course I'm saying that as I myself am an actor, though not one who is known. When you hold auditions, please consider me for the role of the pickpocket. Please note I would not do this if I wasn't so impressed with your screenplay.
Why I feel I'm qualified: I'm good at getting lost in the crowd, I can go from menacing to totally casual in the blink of an eye, and I have very nimble fingers. In addition, while vacationing in London I was witness to a pickpocket, and while in Rome I myself was pickpocketed. I've actually been a part of what you're writing about, and I feel like this experience at the very least, should be enough to get me an audition. And if you give me that chance, I really believe I can prove myself worthy of the role.
I'm not stupid, and I realize you're probably a ways of from casting this, but please keep me in mind. I'm uncomfortable putting my name and address here, but if you write back in the comment section with your email, I'll gladly send you my information. Thanks for your time, Stephen, and congratulations on a great screenplay.
Thanks for the comment, undiscovered. I watched your audition video and I think there may be a part for you in "The Pickpocket" but it probably won't be the pickpocket himself. Instead, I see you as CIA agent Nasa Woolery, who has his gun stolen from him as he points it at someone he THINKS is the pickpocket, but is in fact someone who has been REVERSE pickpocketed into wearing all of the pickpockets clothes. Intrigued? Check back here all the time for updates.
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